It’s been a long time coming. I don’t usually feel overwhelmed with shit to say. But today I do. It’s probably the coffee…makes my mind run like Forrest Gump. RUN, FORREST!!!! Today, what is on my mind is…..being the person you want to be, not just ‘who you are’. SO many women, songs, men, out there are all about “Just being me,” or being ‘yourself’, or “I’m the same person around everyone, right?”. Why even talk about it? What is there to prove about being “you”? Every day changes us. Everyone of us. Hell, every SECOND changes us. We change with every thought, every quick trip to the gas station, every cigarette smoked. You may disagree, but I’m convinced of it. Every moment that passes by, that’s that much more ‘experience’ to add to the wall of growth. Why then, when talking about ourselves, do we look to the past, to the things we either did wrong/ok/or good, and associate who we are with it? That was a snapshot of who you USED to be. Everybody does it. What is more beneficial, though, is looking to the future, thinking about how others acted in certain situations that we are inspired by, or how we could have re-acted in the past and wish we would have, and trying to improve our actions in the present. IF you love yourself, that’s great. Good for you. If you don’t, and I’ve always had problems with liking myself, why use ‘just being myself’ as an excuse? If there’s things about yourself you don’t like, change them. If there’s things you dislike about other people, and you come to find you have that ‘trait’ in common with them, change it. When in the dating world, (I know alot of people, ALOT, have not been on the market in forever, and it’s an obscure thought) you look for someone you click with. Someone that likes you for you. Where is the ‘chase’ in that? Where is the challenge? The race? There is none. It’s better to find a mate, or friends, that are one level above you (AS in, more advanced in the direction you’d like to see your path go) so that it’ll encourage you to keep on that path, and not camp out in the same ol’ comfortable spot. It’s too easy to stay in the same place. Very easy. That’s why so many people are doing it. Staying with the same stuff. Same lifestyle. Same ol’ couple of recipes for din din. Same style of clothes that you wear, and have since grade school. Same hairstyles. Same superficial thought process throughout the day. Or no thought process. Whatever. We’re creatures of habit, and I get that. Staying inside that box is comfortable, and why breakout and be uncomfortable? Well…growth, that’s why. Advancement. Changing in small ways, every day, to become who you want to be, not just who you are. Surrounding yourself with new crap you’re not familiar with to encourage you to be different than what you are. Not for the small minded. I mean, sure, if you absolutely love yourself, and you feel you are who you have ALWAYS dreamed of being, and you are where you’ve always dreamed of being IN LIFE, then stay where you are. Plateau it out. If you’re not, however, take the training wheels off the bike. It’s ok to skin your knees, if you’ll learn how to better take a curve the next time. Self-growth, the INTERNAL kind, takes alot of time, patience, and persistence. You only see results when you look wayy back, and see who you used to be and smile because you’re not like that anymore. Or talk to someone you used to talk to and are jarred because you used to be like that too, but are far from it now. It’s a fun little game, to try and become someone to entertain yourself. That’s what I’m working on, and have been for a while. I was trying to get to where I could entertain myself, be alone and be happier than I was around anyone else, because it requires effort. Not ‘watching this tv show’ or ‘that kind of movie’ entertaining yourself, but head play. Being able to sit and think thoughts and be happy doing it. Not on the smartphone, or reading a book, but being the show yourself, for yourself. If you can do that, it’ll be a start to liking yourself, and being desirable company for yourself, and of course others, sometimes polar opposite from you. Letting the creativity flow, so to say. I used to like to write those thoughts down, in poetry form, but I’ve lately become so critical of that, that I’ve stopped. I need to start again. This world is filled with so many sources of crap. Positive crap, negative crap, funny crap, sad crap, angry crap. We’re constantly taking so much crap in, we don’t take the time to unload crap. I guess that’s why there’s so many blogs, people are unloading the crap. Or worse yet, we stay on the surface level, with all the crap, that we don’t delve deep into the frigid waters underneath. It’s too cold down there…I’m coming back up for air. You ever talk to someone that had SO much to say? They just talked and talked, and talked, and you really wanted to get away from them? And tried to squirm and send subtle body language ‘signals’ to shut the hell up, but they’re so busy talking, in their own little world, they don’t get your signals? And it’s all just surface, what the weather is like talk. Head thinkers? God I hate being around people like that. They’re using YOU as their ‘medium’ to unload the crap that’s filled their brains, to the point to where they can no longer take ANYMORE in (like your subtle clues that you’re not listening). That sucks. They don’t take the time to ponder that maybe you have something to say as well! They’d get along fine with a listener, I suppose, one who has a black hole in their minds, and a black hole in their heart, for listening, and caring, for what this complete stranger (or aquaintance) has to say. You cannot control who/what you encounter every single time, but as for your free time, you can. The easiest way to change for the better is to be constantly mindful of what you’re putting into, well, your mind! Do you want to fill your gray matter with some sappy dirty love story Nora Roberts wrote? Or is that your escape from this reality because you’re bored with it? Why not change THIS REALITY you’re living in, so you don’t have to ESCAPE from it? How is reading a romance novel helping/inspiring you to change this dimension? Wouldn’t you rather nurture your gray matter with fuel to run around on a full tank of YOU. IF you don’t love yourself, why not become someone you fall in love with. That way, you won’t get bored, ever. Neither will anyone else around you. You’ll be a source for others, if not just your immediate family and/or friends. Letting your creativity flow, that was uniquely given to you the day you were conceived. YOUR Creativity, not someone else’s. If you don’t have that, I think you’re missing out. We’re all missing out to some degree. I guess what it boils down to is be the change you want to see in the world, even if it’s just a strong solid personality that’s not another recycling bin. If you don’t have a ‘you’ that you love, cultivate one. You don’t just have to be who you are. You can be anyone. Are you happy with your choice?
August 1, 2013