Monthly Archives: February 2014

Amanda

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Broken plans,
Unmade calls.

I’m sorry I was too busy for our friendship.
Having a baby is a lousy excuse, and for that, I apologize.
You are one friend I wish I’d have taken more time for.

Though time keeps on passing us by,
oh, so fast,
Every time I see you it feels the time gap dissipates
and we pick up exactly where we left off.

Your smile is heartwarming,
your laughter, contagious.
Your story, relative.

When we arrive in heaven,
whenever that may be,

At least we’ll have an eternity to sit together,
to talk
to laugh
to embrace
to sing,
and to dance.
perhaps I will not be too shy in heaven.

I love you as a friend loves their best friend.
Your soul is a breath taking sunrise,
shining on all those that encounter you.

I’m just sorry I haven’t put more effort
into developing our time on earth more
in the past two years.

That still doesn’t change the caliber of my feelings for you.
Nor my hopes that you will reach the highest level
of joy attainable here on earth
in this lifetime.

Farewell, my friend.
I will never forget you.
Not in this existence,
or the following.

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picking

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Slowly circling around a hard place,
shielding me from the outside hurt

tempting, nagging, longing,
as I slowly make my way under the edges

undermining the fortress
and wading through the moat,

tearing off the armor
that covered my wounds

The stinging sensation
of the air that forcefully takes the reigns

staring at my accomplishment
cloaked in shame
As I bleed

Regret floods my soul

Dammit,
I wish I wouldn’t have picked that scab


“I’m not racist, but …………”‏

multicultural-children“If you take the skin off, we’re all the same color on the inside” -some random audience member of a Maury episode

I live in the South. In the Piedmont of North Carolina to be exact. The title of this entry is a statement you hear A LOT down here. I was raised by people that use that statement A LOT. I was threatened by my parents to be kicked out of their house for dating a brown person. Asians and Hispanics were ok, but not brown.

I’ve read a lot of anti-racist articles and blogs, from people that weren’t SURROUNDED by racism. I am 100% ANTI-RACIST. This would include dating/marriage/one night stands, you name it. I hate racism and it unsettles me to my core. I cringe when I hear someone say “I’m not racist, but I don’t date black people,” or, “I’m not racist, but I would be bothered if my kid grew up and married outside of their race.” What do you think that is? Partial racism? Racism has no gray area. If you would not date someone just because of the color of their skin, that is racism, and YOU are a racist.

I grew up in Southern Baptist churches. After graduation, I never regularly attended another baptist church, and don’t plan on it. There is a difference in spirituality and religion. Religion tends to be more black-and-white, rule-based, or taking the scriptures as literal. Spirituality tends to be more along the lines of “being led by the Holy Spirit,” because once you accept him, you know from WITHIN your heart what is right or wrong. You don’t need misquoted, misinterpreted bibles verses to tell you how to be.

For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the Lord: I will put my laws into their minds, and write them on their hearts, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Hebrews 8:10, ESV

I used to go to this little Baptist church that had a legalistic preacher. He was STRICT, and I liked him for it. I looked up to him, and took notes on every message he preached. That was until the day he preached an ENTIRE SERMON on how intermixing of races is WRONG. That entire message, my heart rate was faster, I know my face was blushed red, and I was appalled. I was in the eighth grade and 13 years old. It was an impressionable age, but not so impressionable that I would have believed something that so BLATANTLY goes against the most important, basic, overall MESSAGE of the entire BIBLE. (That would be LOVE, if you’re not familiar..you know, God is love.) This message was 100% purely unbiblical, carnal, EVIL hatred. And I knew it. I stopped going to that church regularly after that.

In that disturbing message, he quoted a bunch of verses from the old testament, when God was telling the Israelites not to intermix with the Egyptians, because they did not believe in God Almighty. It really had nothing to do with their RACE. Later on, when I would ask my Grandmother (who is very racist, as is most of my family to this day, sadly) where was the bible verse to back up not intermixing with other races, she would quote this one:

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

Well, if that isn’t the most idiotic thing I had ever heard! It really makes me sick to think that there are a great number of people with the same mindset that most people had in the days of Martin Luther King, Jr. His dream, to this day, has not yet come true, because of this horrid hatred by these ignorant people.  And they wonder where the blessings of God are for America, completely BLIND to the fact that they ARE the PROBLEM, Harboring hatred in their hearts.

Racism is racism. If you would treat someone of another race ANY different than you’d treat someone of your own race, whether it be dating, the way you talk to them, the way you THINK of them, the stereotypes you’d peg them in unconsciously upon first glancing at them, being upset if your child is dating them, ANYTHING, then you are racist. Period.

And, if you are a CHRISTIAN, and racist, that is a problem. You need to re-read the bible, the part about JESUS, and see how he treated people of other races (The women at the well) and then look at his Apostles and Prophets, and how THEY treated people of other races, ( Like the Good Samaritan, he helped out a person of an ‘inferior’ race'(widely believed at that time)) and then re-evaluate your own beliefs.

I am a non-denominational Christian, and I do not see color, or race, or SEXUAL ORIENTATION, or disabilities. I see people. And, as a Christian, it is my job to love those people, and treat them all equally, with Respect. Love is what being a Christian is all about. If you hate, then you’re not a very good Christian. That’s just all there is to it.

Oh yes, everything I said about race also holds true for Sexual Orientation, and I will address that in a later entry.


Ode to Working Moms

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I’ve noticed lately that there has been a really big SAHM movement, where they’re all like, “I have the most important job in the world, I deserve a pat on the back. ” Good for a stay-at-home-mother that her husband/baby’s daddy makes enough money to cover ALL the finances. Good for them, that, when they have a child, they want to center their next 5+ years around taking care of that child/other children/the house. Good for them that they have the patience to put up with that lifestyle. All in all, Good for them!

But seriously, this movement has caused a alter-feminism movement that is taking it a bit far. Everyone in today’s world LOVES to play the victim card, and use it try to gain advantages/positive opinions of others, or perhaps validation. What about the mom’s that cannot stay at home with their children all day long, every day? What about those that are married to/living with men and the total of their finances cannot be covered with Daddy’s income?

What about the women out there that, after six weeks of maternity leave, flirting with the idea of being a SAHM, they have to get back to the same ol’ routine of going to work all day, and tend to that ‘Mom stuff’ and ‘house stuff’ AFTER working all day, and before an early bedtime because they have to wake up super early and start the cycle all over again? What about the mom’s that have to spend quality time with their precious babies (that grow up SO fast, right?) AFTER working an 8 hour workday? Or have to stuff that quality time with that baby (You know, babies grow up much faster when you don’t spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with them) on the weekends, when all that compounding dishes/laundry/grocery-shopping/cleaning-the-filthy-house hasn’t been done all week, because they’ve been too busy trying to squeeze in making supper and quality time with baby in on weeknights? We don’t have as much ‘fun family time’ on the weekends, because that’s when the ‘work’ of a SAHM mom throughout the weekdays (when daddy’s at work making that cash!) has to then be done, by the Working Mothers (and dads). Well, I’d say, where’s the movement of the working mothers? Jeez, that may just sound like it sucks a little bit worse than having all day every day to spend with your kids and clean house, and home-make meals, because you actually have the time to clean it/time to make it.

You don’t see working mothers ganging up on posts here and there declaring that we work so hard, mainly because WE DON’T HAVE THE TIME!! There is no movement of the Working Mother’s, because we’re too busy doing what a SAHM does in 8 hours, in 3 hours, after our 8 hour working days. That would leave 0 time for scoping out passive-aggressive posts that maybe could be taken personally, TAKING them personally, and back-lashing something fierce.

You also don’t see THIS working mother needing to “take time away from the house”. I spend 40 hours a week working away from that house, so when I have ANY time I can spend away from work, I WANT TO BE AT HOME! I don’t want to go out to eat with other ladies and talk ‘girl talk’ over lattes. I want to be at HOME, with my family, that my job keeps me from all week long! I don’t want to go out to a nice restaurant to ‘unwind’, I want to take the time to make a 3 hour roast AT HOME, because weekdays do not allow time for a three-hour-roast.

All in all, my maternity leave was nice, in that it was the only 6 week period of my ENTIRE LIFE that I got to:
1. Sleep in until 8 am everyday (Yes, even with a NEWBORN)
2. Eat a nice home-cooked meal that wasn’t rushed every night
3. All the dishes/laundry/cleaning/shopping was done the entire time
4. NAPS! Everyday, whenever I felt like it
5. I enjoyed staying up late each night
6. I got that entire time with my little baby

WOULD I chose the lifestyle of a SAHM mom over my current Working Mother lifestyle, if we had the financial means? NOT in a million years! It was hard work, as in physical labor with no reward, and although I did get to see my daughter 100% of the time, absence does make the heart grow fonder. There’s also that ‘validation’ thing, where I kind of felt like a loser, because my whole life was centered around a baby at home for a month and a half.

I only feel sorry for the Working Mothers out there that work more than 40 hours a week, and/or have more than one children. Or better yet, SINGLE MOTHERS! I won’t go into all that, but MY mom was a Single Working Mother of THREE CHILDREN up until I was nine years old. I wouldn’t even want to think about how hard/monotonous this was for her.  She is a very strong woman because of this, and I commend her greatly. I would say if ANY mothers in this lifetime deserve a ‘pat on the back’ it would be SINGLE WORKING MOTHERS, because they really do have it harder than the rest of us.